The Stealth Networker Blog

How to Take Control of Your Career When the World is Spiraling Around You

With so much turmoil in the economic markets, if you're lucky so far to still have a job in the financial industry, you're probably concerned about when the other shoe will drop. 

While it can be tempting to take cover and hope you'll survive the storm in one piece, you might consider using this time to bolster your position and try to emerge stronger than before. 

If you've been out of the networking circuit for awhile, for example, start re-activating your network now, before you might need it. Connect with old colleagues or business partners over lunch. Attend a professional association event and build some new relationships. Polish up your elevator pitch. 

Before you get out there, however, make sure you're mentally strong. Take some advice from executive coach Stefanie Smith who was interviewed by CNBC.com's Jospeh Pisani for his article Eight Ways to Prepare for a Layoff. She says that while you can't control the actions of the people around you, you can certainly control your own. 

Coach Stef recently published a free report Six Certain Steps to Fortify Your Career in Uncertain Times that lays out a great game plan for building a strong mindset and taking effective action starting from where you are right now. 

Don't count on your boss to keep you motivated during these difficult times. He or she has enough challenges. Instead, motivate yourself through your own momentum.

Got 10 Minutes? Then You DO Have Time to Network

Roughly twice a year, I feel an irresistible urge to stock up on women's magazines, so along with the ingredients for last night's dinner, I picked up InStyle, O (The Oprah Magazine), and Cosmo (but only for the cover lines which every copywriter says I MUST study!)

In the September issue of O, Oprah's editors lay out 10-minute plans for a wide range of activities from working out to beating procrastination, eating better and jump-starting a goal.

"If you can find a little window each day to do something for yourself—and who doesn't have 10 minutes?—whether it's doing yoga, meditating, or fixing a nutritious lunch, you'll feel a difference that will make you want to pry another 10 minutes from your schedule. And then another. You see where we're going."

Could this work with networking? Why not?

Despite what you might think, networking doesn't have to take a lot of time. You don't have to spend hours and hours at networking events every week. Faced with the prospect of committing such a big chunk of time in our already busy lives, many people are tempted to forgo networking opportunities all together.

But even if you can't make time to get to events regularly, there are little things you can do on a consistent basis to keep your connections fresh, that don't take more than 10 minutes. Here are a few ideas:

• Invite more friends on LinkedIn, taking the time to type a personal note to each one.
• Leave a smart comment on a blog you read regularly. 
• Email a contact you haven't seen in a while and make a date to catch up by phone or in person. 
• Respond to Facebook messages or write a greeting on a friend's wall. 
• Recommend a resource to your Twitter followers. 
• Forward a relevant article to a contact who might be interested in the topic. 
• Handwrite a thank you note.

What other ideas do you have?  

 

What I Won't Be Doing to Promote My Book

(Beijing, China): A small story in today's China Daily caught my eye. Not finding a link online, I've reprinted it below:

Money to Fall from Sky
"An Indonesian businessman will throw 100 million rupiah ($10,740) from an airplane on Sunday as part of a marketing ploy for his second book, organizers said. Tung Desem Waringin, author and motivational speaker, whose first book was a bestseller, is known for his unorthodox marketing methods.

A spokesman for the organizers, Diki Sidik, said Jakarta police had refused to issue a permit for the event but Tung would go ahead with the plan outside the capital. 'Rather than spend a lot of money for unsuccessful marketing, better give the money to the people,' Sidik said. Millions of Indonesians live on less than 2 dollars a day."

If I had $10k and an airplane to throw it out of, I'm still not sure I would do it (well, yeah, maybe I would, just 'cause I could). Instead, much of my book promotion strategy is revolving around relationships, developed in person as well as online.

Networking isn't just for finding a new job, or gaining more customers. It can help move you forward on any important goal you have. But you have to focus on the relationship first, so allow time to get to know people and what they're interested in. And more importantly, give them enough time to get to know you and your work at their own pace.

Otherwise, you just might have to resort to bribery to get attention...

Perfecting the Art of the Ask

Have you ever thought that "how" you ask for something can affect your chances of getting it? I devote a whole chapter to the Art of the Ask in my upcoming book because it's such an important skill to master in networking. Yes, we all want to give, and it feels good to help others, but sometimes we want things too. What's the best way to ask for them?

It's all about keeping the pressure off. A participant in one of my workshops once asked me, "How do I tell someone that what I want from him is his business?" Hmm…

This reminded me of an old Laverne & Shirley episode (apologies for the digression to those who are too young to remember, or weren't raised in the U.S.) where the gals are at a fancy French restaurant and as they're perusing the menu, one of them asks the waiter, "How do you say 'meatloaf' in French?" Looking down his nose, in a snooty accent, he replies, "You don't."

In other words, most of the time, it's not appropriate to ask someone straight out to be your customer or to hire you.

What I tend to ask for most of the time is advice. People like to help and advice is one of the easiest things to give. But what's interesting is even though all I ask for advice, I often get a lot more.

Pam Slim of Escape from Cubicle Nation has a very similar philosophy about asking for help. It's about keeping the pressure off by asking "about the process, not the people." Read her terrific blog post "Help Me Help You."

You'll be reading more about Pam in my book, so stay tuned!

If You Aren't Who You Say You Are, Then Who Are You? -- The Unfortunate Rise of the Personality Thief

' I laughed out loud when I read Jennifer Sarnow’s article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday on "The Cut-and-Paste Personality." Seems a growing trend now is identity theft of online profiles. No, not your credit card info or social security number. But your humor, interests and words.

"Lacking inspiration and a moral compass…Copycats use the real-life wit of others to create cut-and-paste personas, hoping to land dates or just look clever," she writes.

It's not a laughing matter of course, but the article gave so many egregious examples, including one thief who said "he wanted women to know he was funny but was too lazy to think up anything," and a victim who went on a couple of bad dates with someone and upon re-reading his online profile found that "he had copied her entire 'About Me' paragraph including, 'I'm afraid of heights and large birds.'"

Unbelievable, isn't it? Do you see why I had to laugh even though this is a very serious matter?

I don't have a Match.com profile (I'm happily married 12 years) and have never had anything stolen from my Facebook profile (should I be offended?) but my ezine articles have been stolen, which I find so interesting since I give people permission to use them as long as my byline and bio are included (the instructions following each article are pretty clear). So no one who is looking for good content needs to resort to stealing from me. However I don't give permission to claim the article as one's own, which one person did. He took the article down after I notified him, but I was still shaken to see what was essentially my body on someone else's head.

Sarnow says "the Internet makes plagiarism anonymous and easy." While I do agree that the web makes words easier steal, it also makes it easier to get caught. Once people find examples of plagiarism on your online profiles or web pages, you've totally lost their trust and all hope of building any kind of relationship – romantic, professional or otherwise.

As I wrote in a post last summer about the fake credentials scandal in Korea, without trust, what do you have?

Networking Pet Peeves

Do you hound your connections, name drop without permission, or network indiscriminately online? Then you’re guilty of at least one of the 11 Common Network Mistakes that Bruce Byfield outlined in the IT Manager’s Journal and which VOIP-News reprinted. The other eight mistakes include:

• Badmouthing other companies and individuals
• Exaggerating connections
• Begging for a job
• Spamming requests
• Passive participation at networking Web sites
• Failing to keep up relationships
• Being disrespectful of other people’s time
• Treating networking as one-sided

The list is a great summary of why networking often gets a bad rap. We all slip sometimes, and get lazy and forget our manners, but if you’re consistently making more than one of these mistakes, you’re just not getting the whole concept. Please stop networking right away to avoid giving the rest of us a bad name.

I’m kidding. I’ve rehabilitated many a poor networker, so I know there is hope for just about everyone. What these mistakes have in common is a lack of respect. Trying to get help from others by putting your needs first. Hmm. What’s wrong with that picture?

Always imagine yourself on the other side of the networking situation and ask how you would respond to these types of actions. If it won’t sit well when you’re on the receiving end, then think of something else to do that will.

Any other networking pet peeves you’d like to add to the list?

A Network of Competitors or Collaborators?

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been working on a consulting project as part of my other company, Liz Lynch Ltd. I was brought in by a friend, another independent consultant, who sold the project and needed two other people to work with him because of the tight timeframe. He brought in a third independent consultant to round out the team.

Theoretically, all three of us are competitors. We have similar skills, backgrounds and expertise. In fact, we all worked together at one point in our careers at the same consulting firm Booz Allen & Hamilton, and two of us were classmates at Stanford Business School. In other words, if there was a strategy project that needed only one consultant, we’re all similar enough that we’d end up having to compete with one another to get it.

But because this particular project needed three people to finish the job, we’re collaborators, not competitors. In fact, the project could not have been sold in the first place if my friend had proposed he do everything himself.

Depending on your profession, maintaining a network of competitors can be a smart thing. Sometimes a project is just too big for one person, or you need different skills. Other times you may be too busy to take on additional work, so being able to make a referral still allows you to help your prospect. And it can work both ways where overflow work from another consultant could spill over to you.

If you approach networking with an abundance mentality, there will always be plenty of opportunities to go around.

Is the Grass Always Greener When It Comes to Business Networking?

Continuing my previous post Are Women Better at Networking Than Men, But We Just Don't Know It?, it seems that a percentage of both genders think the other side has it easier, according to a Discover Financial Services survey.

One thousand small business owners were asked for their thoughts on which gender had the upper hand in launching a business, attracting clients, and networking:

"39 percent of male business owners think it is easier for women to start businesses, while 34 percent think it is easier for men. Conversely, 20 percent of female small business owners think it is easier of men to start businesses, compared to 15 percent who think women have it easier.

30 percent of men think it is easier for women to attract new business and only 16 percent think it is easier for men. Among women, 39 percent think it is easier for men to attract new clients while only 19 percent think women have the edge.

24 percent of men believe it is easier for women to network, while 15 percent of men think they have it easier. On the female side, 12 percent of women say men have it easier, while only 8 percent think women have it easier. Overall, two-thirds of all respondents think both sides are about the same when it comes to networking."

Go here to read the rest of the press release.

In the end, the majority of people didn't think gender had anything to do with success in networking, and I'm relieved. In my experience, no one really has a built-in advantage or a built-in disadvantage with networking. Everyone can learn to do it well regardless of gender or personality type.

I'm an introvert, and may network differently from my extroverted colleagues, but I'm still able to get out there and get the help I need. Don't let stereotypes hold you back either.

Are You Ready to Give Up Networking for Good?

Among the resolutions Leah McLaren will NOT keep this year is “To network more effectively in real life:"

"I have recently been doing some work in the world of television. People in TV are very good at networking. They are great believers in the power of talking excitedly about upcoming projects. This is the opposite of journalists, who are great believers in the power of caustically bitching about things that have already happened.

Whenever I attempt to network with my new TV friends, I end up spilling food on the shoe of someone important or saying something inappropriate out of sheer nervousness. I never remember to be "excited" about my "project" (although I am, honestly) so I've decided to save myself further social embarrassment and swear off networking for good."

Read the rest of her resolutions at Be it resolved: Silly resolutions stop now

I know how she feels. I made a resolution a few years ago to stop pretending to like skiing. I’ve always wanted to like it and for several years, I really tried. It seemed so romantic to be tucked away in the mountains, everyone looking so healthy and happy, breathing in the crisp, fresh air, taking in all the gorgeous scenery, and eating all that hearty food.

My husband tried hard to make it easy for me to learn to ski and have fun with it. We went to beautiful places in Colorado and Austria. I didn’t have to endure the drab and icy conditions at our local resorts in the Northeast. I took lots of lessons, both group and private.

Eventually I was able to get to a clumsy intermediate level, where I could make it down moderately steep runs, though never very gracefully. But my heart raced every single time. I could never get comfortable. I didn’t like being cold, and I didn’t like to go fast.

When I was on the mountain one day, another skier going 80 miles an hour nearly mowed me down. In all honesty, he barely brushed me, but my instructor read him the riot act. That was the closest I’d ever gotten to a skiing accident and it opened my eyes. I thought, “If I ever got seriously hurt doing something that I absolutely did not love, I would never forgive myself for being so stupid.”

I finally came to the realization that I was old enough to stop doing things I really didn’t want to do. So after that trip I stopped, and I’m completely unapologetic about it. We’ve been on two ski vacations since and I didn’t even pack my ski clothes. While my husband hit the slopes every day, I slept in and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast (instead of rushing to catch the first lift). I took advantage of the spa, walked around the village, wrote in my journal and curled up in the afternoons with books and hot cocoa.

The point of my story is I found many other ways to enjoy a winter vacation without having to ski. It just was not, and never will be, my thing.

Let's face it, networking may not be your thing. If there’s nothing you need in your life or career that you feel networking can help you with, and if you think there might be some other way to get what you want (two big IFs), then do what Leah did and move on. Just be prepared to live with the consequences (and please don't come whining to me).

Happy new year!

Do You Make These Networking Mistakes in Your Job Search?

Joann Lublin's article today in the Wall Street Journal "How to Network Without Sabotaging Your Own Job Hunt," had me cringing.  There was so much ugly truth in what she said about job hunters who are presumptuous, disingenuous and selfish.  If you're currently looking for a job, read this article ASAP to find out what NOT to do.

One of the reasons I prefer to coach entrepreneurs and professionals rather than job seekers in general, is because of their mindset.  When you're unemployed, almost nothing seems to matter to you than getting that next job.  That's your ultimate outcome and all you can focus on. 

On the other hand, when entrepreneurs and professionals network, not only are they able to operate on a longer timeframe (most don't need to find a client yesterday to keep the lights on), but they're also open to multiple outcomes from the relationship.  If the person they're talking to isn't a candidate to become a client, perhaps she can become a joint venture partner, or a vendor, or a referral source.

Therefore, they tend to pay more attention to the process of building and tapping into their relationships than job seekers do.

It's hard to blame the job seekers, though.  Their first level of needs aren't being met.  How can you think about the beautiful business relationships you can develop when you may not be able to pay the mortgage next month?

My answer, and Harvey Mackay's, is to dig your well before you're thirsty.  Make networking a priority when you already HAVE a job.  You'll be rid of all scent of desperation and your me-first tendencies.  Keep in touch with your contacts when you don’t need anything and they'll be more likely to be there when you do.