No Interest in Meeting New People? Some Tough Love for Networking Apathy

On occasion, someone sends in a question asking me to help them understand why they have no interest in meeting new people, even though they know they should.

 

Unfortunately, I don’t know of any way to "suddenly" develop an interest in people that isn't there. But a new book called "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection," written by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick may scare you straight.

 

As the NY Post wrote in its review yesterday: Loneliness "leaves its sufferer unable to read micro-expressions or react properly to social cues - so the more desperate one is to connect, that desperation, coupled with a fear of rejection verging on paranoia, pushes others away."

 

In other words, the longer you put off connecting with others, the longer you feel you don’t need to, and the less prepared and able you are to act appropriately when the need does arise (and it will!). It becomes a vicious circle. 

 

Perhaps the first step towards overcoming an apathy for making new connections is to imagine the possibilities. As the Post writes, "One of Cacioppo's favorite metaphors is 'the idea of the solitary computer vs. the Internet.' The former seems adequate until you're exposed to the latter, so highly superior because of its ability to connect."

 

Next, try different ways of connecting. Facebook is a great place to meet new people with similar interests, without the time commitment of constantly traveling to networking events and working the room. By the way, if we're not already connected on Facebook, click here to add me. I’d love to network with you there.

 

Bottom line, we all need a support system we can turn to for help and advice. We can’t do it alone. And we don't want to end up as recluses with no one around but the 97 cats who live with us. Because when push comes to shove, you know they'll never lift a paw to help.

Comments

[Barbara Safani]

Great points! I think it is really important for people to network in circles that have meaning for them. I love Facebook and LinkedIn, but not everyone is a fan of these tools. Many people build strong networks through online affinity groups that revolve around a previous employer, school, hobby, sport, or volunteer work. There is a group out there for everyone. You just have to be willing to take the time to find it and join!

[Walter Akana]

Great post, Liz! I think people do suffer without connection, so it’s crucial – and that means “networking” is as important as is exercise for a long and satisfying life. For the career/work part of our lives, I believe that we’re moving into an increasingly connected world that requires building and deepening relationships to get the job done as well as find work in the first place. So, the analogy of the “…solitary computer vs. the Internet” is especially appropriate. As well, I believe connecting on line as well as person to person builds “relationship fluency” that can make it easier to form new bonds.