Have you ever thought that "how" you ask for something can affect your chances of getting it? I devote a whole chapter to the Art of the Ask in my upcoming book because it's such an important skill to master in networking. Yes, we all want to give, and it feels good to help others, but sometimes we want things too. What's the best way to ask for them?
It's all about keeping the pressure off. A participant in one of my workshops once asked me, "How do I tell someone that what I want from him is his business?" Hmm…
This reminded me of an old Laverne & Shirley episode (apologies for the digression to those who are too young to remember, or weren't raised in the U.S.) where the gals are at a fancy French restaurant and as they're perusing the menu, one of them asks the waiter, "How do you say 'meatloaf' in French?" Looking down his nose, in a snooty accent, he replies, "You don't."
In other words, most of the time, it's not appropriate to ask someone straight out to be your customer or to hire you.
What I tend to ask for most of the time is advice. People like to help and advice is one of the easiest things to give. But what's interesting is even though all I ask for advice, I often get a lot more.
Pam Slim of Escape from Cubicle Nation has a very similar philosophy about asking for help. It's about keeping the pressure off by asking "about the process, not the people." Read her terrific blog post "Help Me Help You."
You'll be reading more about Pam in my book, so stay tuned!
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