Breaking Up with the Lazy Networker

I dumped my first Facebook friend today. With one click, he was off my friends list. Poof! Just like that.

Basically, he was trying to friend everyone and their brother by sending invitations to connect to people in my network (and who knows who else’s) without explaining how he knew them or why he wanted to be their friend.

Two of my friends experienced this and contacted me right away. See, when you invite someone to connect with you in Facebook, they are able to see who is a mutual friend, and since my name was the only one listed, they asked me what I knew about him and why he might want to connect with them.

Not that he looked like a bad guy, but based on his geographic location and the limited info they could see in his profile, it was far from obvious why they should want to connect with him from a business standpoint, much less a friendship standpoint. And he did nothing to enlighten them in his invitation.

I had started to compose a message to this friend suggesting that he rethink his approach to introducing himself to potential connections, but you know what? I just don’t have time to deal with people like that. It was a lot easier to remove him as a friend, and I figured if he showed this little effort at the start of a relationship, it's only downhill from there...so g’bye.

As I say over and over again in my workshops, “Connections happen through conversation.” How much do you think people would want to connect with you if you got to a networking event and just started handing out your business cards without saying a word? Why do you think you’d get a different result online?

Facebook gives you a way to start a conversation with someone you want to bring into your network by writing a personal message with your invitation. It's five extra seconds of your time. Well worth the investment, believe me.

How would you have handled this situation?

Comments

[Dean]

I agree Liz. Your situation was one of the more easier ones to deal with actually. I will actually delete those who don't have the courtesy to respond to successive emails of mine. I think as great as social networking can be, it has also made alot of people very very lazy.

Dean

[Mari Smith]

Oh, Liz!!! I was so excited to see your post in my reader today... I have a funny feeling I just DUMPED the same guy you dumped.

I caught myself griping to my husband for the umpteenth time tonight about this dude on Facebook who's really ticking me off claiming to be so famous and scooping up friends like there's no tomorrow. When suddenly, I realized... HELLO? There's always the 'eject' button!!! ha!

Such a great feeling to have that peace back. Why didn't I think of it before?! :) Well, truth is, I have removed several friends - even blocked a few - and it just didn't occur to me with this particular guy.

Thanks again for expressing this issue, Liz -- I'm being much more rigorous about peeps in my feed now... if I don't like their strategy, they're getting the FaceBOOT! :)

[Liz Kupcha]

Funny you should mention the passing of business cards. I have a working draft of an article titled "networking's dirty dozen" where I describe an incident at a networking event where a woman was jumping from person to person, handing out her card, receiving one in return, and following it up with "let's do lunch." Whoa...easy turbo!!! I don't know you from a hole in a wall. Who are you and why should I have lunch with you?

I haven't booted anybody from FaceBook but I did delink somebody from my LinkedIn network. The gentleman in question was somebody that I met on a number of occassions and we've had some correspondence from time to time but he has a tendency to exhibit strong signs of CRS. I know that it's tough to connect each and every face & name but hearing a name or company at least should trigger something. Anyway, we were at a networking event (I wasn't in touch with him for at least a year due to job changes, etc.) and he introduced himself and I gave him the 30-second talk on what I've been up to, who I represent, etc. He took the liberty of tearing into me by saying that he doesn't see the point behind my presence at said event, told me that I'm wasting my time in my pursuits, etc. Logged onto my LinkedIn account and delinked him just like that. Saw him a month later, forgetting that he met me a few weeks earlier; had to remind him that he was very rude to me and left it at that. Haven't seen him since.

[Glenda Watson Hyatt]

Great post. I have several generic friend requests waiting to weed through on facebook and perhaps respond with "Why do want to be friends?" But I'm tempted to IGNORE them all. I feel these "loose connections" dilute my friends' list. On the other hand, I don't want to miss out on meeting new people. Never know where one connection may lead!

[Walter Akana]

Hi Liz! Great post! Actually, I too have been questioning FB friend adds that come from people who don’t take the time to introduce themselves. Often they are third-degree connections where the basis for relationship is anything but obvious! I also did a blog post about this (“Why can’t we be friends?” here: http://snipurl.com/2bmp1). After I did my post, I wondered if I was being too harsh. I think not. Your post is great validation!

[Bud Coyne]

Liz,
This is a great insight everyone should be using. I have unlinked myself from a few people early on in LinkedIn for the same purpose. Now I only accept connections from people that express a true connection need or want that is mutually compatible to our professional directions. Of course, I always provide the same for people I find with like strengths or interests...and also friends and past associates.
Thanks for the article.
Cordially,
Bud

[DeAnna Troupe]

I think you handled the situation just fine Liz. I usually don't delink from a person unless they give me a good reason.

[Roz Fruchtman]

Hi Liz:

I found you through Mari Smith's website.

I agree... and I think I will be giving the Facebook Boot to some friends -- at least a recent one who befriended me and now I get tons of email each time someone posts to a link he sent me.

I never even answered that thread, but seem to get notices each and every time someone posts to it -- even though I removed the Facebook Link from my Facebook. The emails just keep coming.

To top it off, my name does not even appear in the list of people the thread/note or message was sent to.

BTW, I hate the new Facebook cause all I see is other people's feeds and they are taking up my page when I log on.

Thanks.

Roz