The Stealth Networker Blog

What’s Your Strategy for Accepting Invitations on LinkedIn? What About on Facebook?

So many networks to join, and so little understanding as to whether I should…

In Joyce Lain Kennedy’s article in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel “Online Networking Done Right,” a reader questions the purpose of accepting invitations to join the LinkedIn networks of people she doesn’t know. 

I’ve often wondered the same thing. Is there a reason to do it? 

Since LinkedIn is used so much more for business, I’ve been protective of my network, accepting invitations only from people I know so that I could feel comfortable recommending them or connecting them to others when the opportunity came up.  I see it almost as an implied endorsement.

However, when I first set up my Facebook profile a few months ago, I thought initially that I could let my hair down and be more open with who I accept as a “friend.”  I haven’t had any reservations accepting requests from people who are friends of friends.  After all, it’s like going to a friend’s party and meeting folks from all the other aspects of her life. 

But a few invitations are sitting in my inbox from people I have no links to at all, one from a nice young man who was born the year I graduated from high school (he’s only 5, no not really).

Should I accept?  Is there a downside?  Is there an upside?  Do you treat invitations on LinkedIn and Facebook differently?

Are Women Better at Networking Than Men, But We Just Don’t Know It?

Over Thanksgiving, when I told my sister-in-law, who retired a few years ago from the U.S. Air Force as a colonel, that I was writing a book on networking, she remarked that it’ll be great to have a woman’s perspective on networking out there, since we’re so much better at it than men.

That surprised me.  Maybe to be successful as a woman in the military, you need to have great networking skills.  Yet I speak at a lot of professional women’s conferences and to a good number of women’s professional organizations and one of the comments I hear the most is, “My male colleagues seem to network so naturally, but I find it such an effort.”

While my book isn’t about gender differences in networking, she did make me wonder:  Are women better at networking?  And if they are, why don’t they think so?

In InformationWeek’s CIO Weblog written by John Soat, Susan Mersereau, svp and CIO at Weyerhaeuser Co. says that women “don’t do the informal networking they need to get ahead. ‘They just keep their noses down and don’t market themselves.’” 

She continues: “It’s ironic that women are poor at networking in the workplace because they’re usually very good at it outside work…Also, women go overboard on self sufficiency.”

Carmen Munson in the Ithaca Journal says, “Women tend to more relational and are particularly skilled in connecting with others.  This advantage stems partly from our long traditions as gatherers, mothers and caretakers.”

So women may be better at networking outside the workplace because they are networking on someone else’s behalf – for their child, their husband, their friends – rather than for their own needs, though hopefully that is starting to change.

Carol Hymowitz writes in the Wall Street Journal that a women’s network is beginning to emerge in the corporate world, with more and more female executives proactively helping other women succeed through informal networking and mentoring.

I don’t want to start a battle of the sexes, and I hate generalizations that people then use as an excuse for their actions (or inactions), but I AM curious… What do you think? 

Networking Don’ts from America’s Most Smartest Model?

"A birthday bash becomes a disaster as the seven models discover they must network with LA's top fashion agents and fashionistas -- after they've had one too many! One model has a melt down, but can the others keep their cool?”  -- From vh1.com

Before anyone loses total respect for me for watching this show, just know that I was channel surfing at our rented condo in Florida only because I still don’t know what number my favorite channels are. They’re all different from the cable lineup in New York!

I stumbled onto America's Most Smartest Model last night about 20 minutes in (and then had to watch it again today to get the background, but I swear that was the last time!).  Anyway, at that point, the models were being told by host Mary Alice Stephenson that the party they had just attended was actually a challenge of their networking abilities.  That’s what hooked me.

You see, the contestants thought they were getting the night off to relax and party at a local club to celebrate the 24th birthday of Daniel, one of their own.  They had dinner in a private room then were escorted to the VIP lounge to mix with others. 

Little did they know that the club had been seeded with casting directors, fashion designers, and talent scouts, all of whom each of these models, if they had known better, should have been dying to meet and make their best impression on.

It was fascinating (and hilarious!) to count how many ways one could possibly trip up in these kinds of situations. Here’s a partial list of their crimes:

Rachel couldn’t hold her liquor, so even after only a couple of drinks, she couldn’t see straight or form a complete sentence.

Andre immediately honed in on a pretty Romanian girl and wouldn’t talk to anyone else, despite some agents’ attempts to engage him at the bar when he went to pick up some drinks (he thought they were trying to pick HIM up).  He also told the judges he speaks 5 languages, including Russian, but when one of them asked him a question in Russian, he couldn’t answer it.  Busted!

Jeff was way too touchy-feely.  In his defense, he admits that that’s completely in line with his Italian roots, but the designer he met said he bordered "on the edge of grope-y-ness”

Angela had her guard up when one of the talent scouts tried to introduce himself to her, and she could think of nothing else but to get away.  When she tried to use the “It's-so-hard-for-a-woman-in-this-industry- there-are-so-many-predators-out-there” excuse, Mary Alice said that was total baloney and that she always talks to every man in the room. (To me it’s a matter of how much do you feel you’re in control of yourself and your destiny?)

The funniest to see was birthday boy Daniel, who completely lost it.  He had a great time getting drunk and felt his birthday had been spoiled by this trickery.  He cursed and whined all the way home in the limo, and well into the night back at the house.  His approach to networking? “If you have something that can help me, you give me your card and I’ll call you…maybe. I'm the person YOU should want to talk to.”

In contrast, VJ suspected something might be up, so he was on his best behavior and spoke with everyone who tried to engage him.  He asked what they did for a living and collected cards from each one.  And best of all, he remembered each of their names when tested on it later.  The scouts and agents and designers were all impressed.  They saw him as someone who had a plan and whom they might like to work with someday.  Bravo, my young friend!

This show is about finding brains and beauty in one package.  Mary Alice summed up that night’s challenge the best: “Every night you’re out, you have an opportunity to meet a lot of people who can further your career. There’s never a night off in Hollywood."

If you get a chance to see this episode "Many Happy Returns" on vh1 or online, do it! Truly priceless networking lessons from an unexpected source.

Niche Networks

Bruce Nussbaum, my old colleague at BusinessWeek, wonders “Are Facebook, MySpace and Open Social Networks Dead?”

I don’t know if they’re dead, but I do believe that many people would prefer to hang with a smaller group who are more like them, rather than a big crowd with so many disparate interests.  It’s definitely much easier to connect with folks when you have a shared interest, or a shared objective, whether it’s online or in person.

Read about The Most Exclusive Social Networks in the current issue of Inside Innovation, which includes a site for creative types (Behance), catwalk types (ModelsHotel) and covert types (A-Space), the last of which I mentioned in an earlier post a few months ago “Spies Can Now Network, What’s Your Excuse?”

My Kind of Networking

"The new spot to network with colleagues and clients is the hotel spa."

The New York Times ran an article today called “Networking at the Spa” which describes how golf resorts are on the wane and “more companies are turning to spas as a novel way to plan corporate outings.”

According to reporter Martha C. White, while golf can be very competitive and thus very stressful, chilling out in robes at the spa is much more relaxing, even for men. 

I couldn't agree more.  However, whenever you're outside of a traditional venue, whether at a golf course, a spa or a wedding, networking requires a good dose of self awareness.  If you’re at a conference or corporate meeting and there’s spa time involved, be sure to take cues from the people around you. 

It’s not appropriate, for example, to pull a marketing brochure out of your robe pocket and yak away about the strengths of your company to someone with cucumber slices over his eyes.

Respect the other person’s space and keep the conversation at a low intensity level.  It’s okay to talk business, but keep it general.  You can’t make the sale there, that shouldn’t be your objective, but you can move the relationship forward through a shared experience.  If you handle yourself well, you’ll have another opportunity at a more appropriate time to take the conversation to the next level. 

Facebook Fridays

BusinessWeek's Heather Green reported that California-based Serena Software has instituted Facebook Fridays for their “staff of 900 (average age, 41) to spend an hour each week on the popular social networking site—updating their profiles, collaborating with colleagues and clients, and recruiting for Serena.”

The company also plans to use Facebook as a corporate intranet to “exchange documents, update corporate information, and share marketing videos.”

While some of the comments to this story have been less than supportive (okay, many think it’s stupid), I applaud the intention. 

I think it’s a great idea to set aside specific time to focus on various aspects of your networking, whether online or in person.  For example, networking groups meet on a regular basis, giving them a dedicated period of time each week, month or quarter to focus on relationships inside the group.  Out of sight, out of mind.

You can institute the same discipline with your own online networking and pick a specific day and time to update your profiles, invite new connections, and see who you can help. 

For example, I’ve really let my Ryze profile get out of date, and I still haven’t filled out every box on my Facebook page.  However, I did spend a half hour a few weeks ago inviting a bunch of former coworkers into my LinkedIn network, and now have been able to reconnect with folks I had lost touch with. 

A half hour a week or even an hour a month isn’t too much time to spend to make sure you’re using these tools to their best advantage.